The White Page
  A Road Diary


 



Subject: Update

Date: Sat, 20 Mar 1999

From: Alan




Spring is sprung at last, although we got an early sampler down in the bayou country last week which ill-prepared us for the return to winter on our arrival back up north. After a few days in deepest Louisiana, assisting the honest denizens of Baton Rouge to celebrate their 300th birthday (well, the city's tricentennial anyway - none of them looked that old frankly, though a steady, heady diet of file gumbo etoufee and jambalaya could possibly prolong life beyond our accepted northern norms) we were becoming suitably laid back, and humid with it.

The Saturday skies were clear and blue and we were all cursing our lack of foresight in having neglected to bring shorts with us - not that we'd have performed in them, although some of us have fairly kilt-worthy legs, you know; but then there's Fred..................... Anyway we had about 25,000 singin' dancin' fools in front of us by the banks of the Mississippi River, in full carnival mood. WAR played immediately before us, and got the whole place swaying to their groove which set the stage for us to go on and be as funky as we wanted to - and with Gap Band., and Kool and The Gang to follow, we had to be some kinda' funky to please this crowd.

It's occasions like this that make one glad to have some powerful items on the menu, and once again Schoolboy Crush, Pieces, I'm The One, and A Love Of Your Own proved to be everyone's favourites, dropped on the plate at exactly the right moments.

Thanks to Phil who pulled the sound together without the benefit of any warm-up or preamble from us - I sometimes think he just sticks a wet finger in the air and lets his instincts do the rest - the quality left nothing to be desired, either. Oh, and talking of instincts, he had to use all his native ones the next evening when he walked to the corner store for some cigarettes, and a local punk suggested that Phil should make a voluntary monetary contribution to his cause. Our boy, in true generous Brooklyn form, begged to differ, when the guy suddenly decided to up the ante by telling Phil that he was ready to enforce his demands with the knife he was carrying. Without missing a beat, Phil drew himself up to his full 5'4" and as casual as you like replied, "Oh, really...........a knife, eh?...... well, that's tough 'cos I gotta gun!!"

End of Mexican standoff, and proof positive that imaginary gun beats imaginary knife any day. As I said in the last bulletin, you can't make this s*** up.

Life imitates farce.

So we moved on into New Orleans for our annual visit to the famous House Of Blues, and another heaving, sold-out-an'-sweaty show there. They decided to can the opening act on the night, so we really got a chance to stretch, and play for a good couple of hours which afforded us the chance to air just about all the tunes we love to play - even some we had almost forgotten, it's been so long since we played them. Anyway, we needn't have worried with the crowd we had there. As we were going over "If I ever Lose This Heaven" (badly) at the afternoon rehearsal, we kind of ground to a halt feeling that all was just not right with the feel, or the tempo, or something, and said let's not do this one tonight, when the house's monitor engineer came onstage and said, "Man, y'all could do that mother****** any tempo you like, an' they gonna give it up to y'all. Now, come ON!!" Needless to say it was brilliant on the night, and the entire audience sang the 'mother' for us, too.

The only downside to the whole visit was having to go straight from there to the airport for a dawn flight back to New York, which we were literally poured on to, and which went via Memphis for a stop en route. I don't think anyone was even aware of takeoff, and the first thing I knew, we were parked on the tarmac in Memphis on what appeared to me to now be a completely empty plane. As I looked around, however, there were the seven other, barely-visible, snoring heads of our sleepy gang, and one cleaner furiously doing his thing before the new arrivals came aboard in all their disgustingly bubbly, bright-eyed, bushy tailed clamour to remind us of the fact that, no matter how much WE stick our heads in the sand, reality is an ugly business that can suck you into its turgid grasp the minute you're not vigilant............and it's all around!



Still, it could be much worse. Just imagine, all those businessmen that have to do that day in, day out, wrestling with each other to fill the overhead bins with their overstuffed garment bags, then vying for the last remaining ounce of elbow room to outdo each other for laptop computer endurance tests the minute the doors are closed, pausing only to breathe occasionally or eye the flight attendants (should they be under fifty - a sight seldom seen anymore in the USA) and of course to siphon the drinks trolley as soon as it's within three rows of wherever they might be. We simply carry our own.



Till next time,



Au Reservoir, Dogs.